Tanhayee..

Kavitha loved being with people.. She was scared being left alone. She always did things to make people around her happy.

It was her 11th birthday. When she reached out to keep her bag in that old bench- she saw a gift and a card. She opened the card
A big red heart with "I love you" written in golden ink popped up. No one had signed the card. She loved the fact that someone was interested in her and was going through all this pain to get the card and gift. She knew that it was from Sudhir. She wondered how Sudhir would have saved so much money to buy the card and the gift. As usual Charu sat next to her. She told her it was from Sudhir. The guys in the class had been talking about it. She didn't know what to do. She knew lots of people were looking at her. She just tore the card and left the gift untouched. She wondered if she should have even opened the card. Did that make her look like she loved Sudhir?

Though she had matured a few months back , she was a kid in an adults body. She was really confused and her confusion showed. Sudhir followed her from school to home, from her tuition's to home. She really thought that Sudhir loved her - otherwise who would waste so much time? Sometimes when she came home late, she would be really scared. She wanted to tell all this to her parents, but was scared that mom would beat her. Mom would stop all her classes.

Since this was in 1990's people were really shocked that a kid could think about anything other than her Math/Science homework. Abisthu abishthu. Though she didn't go anywhere close to being in a relationship with the guy, suddenly the entire world was gossiping about her - her teachers, students around her. People called her immoral.

Chetna stood first in her class and Kavitha third. They hated each other and always tried to group against each other. This seemed a great opportunity for Chetna to mock Kavitha. It was the first day of school and everyone was trying to get a place. Radha and Kavitha fought for the second bench. Kavitha loved second bench- first bench needed too much attention and in any of the other benches she could not listen to the teacher well. As usual, all the girls came together and try to resolve the fight. Suddenly Chetna seemed to assume to role of the Judge - she said why should we believe you - You are a characterless girl. Kavitha was in tears. She decided to sit in the fourth bench. She was stuck there for a year.

Suddenly girls stopped talking to her. No one was ready to go to school with her. Most days she would cycle all alone to school with tears in her eyes looking at that beautiful bridge and the trees across the water.

Kavitha cried at home against that yellow wall for many nights . Even her parents didn't trust her.

Offlate she was not doing good in Maths. She decided to start attending some tutions. Ruchi Mam was cute. She said her satisfaction comes from helping people pass - not making people get centums. Kavitha just loved her teaching style. She started getting better and better in Maths, but her sadness and tension was always visible. One day Ruchi called her -It was the tenth test she had written in the tution and had got the tenth consecutive centum. Ruchi told her that its difficult to change perceptions, but not impossible. Believe in yourself and Work hard. The entire world will be behind you.

From that day onwards Kavitha became extremely focused on Math. She was the best student in Maths now. Everyone wanted her homework book, to copy answers now even Radha.

She was very lonely, she longed for company. The only way that seemed to be working was getting good marks. She worked hard and she was the topper of the class finally after 10 long years. Suddenly the entire world started considering her to be a role model. The person everyone wanted to be...

Life kept moving.. When she was 25, she got married to Ram. Her parents found Ram after extensive matching of horoscopes. They liked each other, both of them worked in Bangalore and so everyone felt it was a perfect match. They got engaged in Feb and got married in May. This time again she made her parents happy ...

High Heel Confidential

This is one site i am religiously following off late

http://www.highheelconfidential.com/

Now your question will be why this of all the other fashion sites? That's because this site concentrates on Indian stars and what they wear... I love the movies in Hollywood ... Par Phir bhi dhil hai hindustani ...

i didn't know even desi stars were so brand conscious. Also helps me figure out what goes good with the Indian skin tone...

Unaccustomed Earth ...

Human nature will not flourish, any more than a potato, if it be planted and replanted, for too long a series of generations, in the same worn-out soil. My children have had other birthplaces, and , so far as their fortunes may be within my control, shall strike their roots into unaccustomed earth.

- NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE

New Hairstyle ...

As one of my friends mentioned to me - "When you can't change anything else in your life - change your hairstyle"

Interesting times...

There is this phrase "Interesting times" that i have started using very frequently. Truly this year is going to be very interesting for me and lots of people around me - Postponement of my wedding to the uncertainty of the job, few of my close friends being laid off, weddings, divorces... sure .. it is interesting.

All these years - i kept thinking nothing can stop me aka i am all set to do what ever i want in my life. But wait - life is not a fairy tale..

This global meltdown is definitely testing my patience and confidence...

There is a very first time for everything in life.. For the first time, i felt nothing was falling in place no matter how hard i try- should i be patient? Actually do i really need to be patient?

For the first time i feel so insignificant ...Working offlate seems to be for only buying scarfs and sweaters... hmm.. never wanted that feeling to creep in me .. but what to do.. everything has a first time ...

Lets see how long i can stand this ...

Wait Wait - even in a fairy tale - the princess goes through tough times and finally meets her prince charming and lives happily ever after ...

First day first show

Yesterday was my first day at work this year. I tried implementing my old scheduling algorithm to my day. When i was a kid, i used to schedule every hour of the day, i knew what i wanted to do by end of day at least...

Today i was able to do things at 50% efficiency.. or may i say 50% of what i expect myself to do :)

I did quite a lot of things today - went to work by 1030ish.. great achievement considering the fact that i was getting to work only at 1115 am for last few weeks. I did a decent job at work - read few documents, attended a meeting where i learnt a few new things. I caught up with few old friends on messenger. I wanted to buy a rug - went to the shop to decide stuff.. I even went to my favorite craft store and bought the colors i needed for my new painting. After that i hit the gym as well... and mostly i am gonna paint now...

Looking forward to increase my efficiency and have more such days this year

Shobhaa De ..

I just read an article about Sonam Kapoor calling Shobhaa De a porn writer... Hmm... I have always liked reading books by Indian Women Authors...

I first started reading her books on my flights back to Hyderabad. I used to buy her books from the small Higginbotham counter in the Chennai airport.

I don't know why - but i do like Shobhaa(we both are Capricorns and have the same zodiac sign - boar). I relate quite a bit to her, a person from a middle class family living life on her own terms. Someone who can share her views with people and is not scared of being judged.

I loved her book Spouse - which talked about the subtle things which are important for a marriage / relationship to succeed. I loved the fact that she made me realise how simple things like holding your partner's hands can make you feel so good.

I also loved her book SpeedPost:Letters to my children.

I grew up with the notion that parents are perfect human beings - but now i know i am not perfect - no one is perfect. I loved the fact that she was able to accept that she was wrong, she was not perfect.